What Did Your Second Grade Teacher Do to You?

THINGS YOUR 2ND GRADE TEACHER WAS WRONG ABOUT

I swear this is what my 7th grade math teacher looked like.

For years now, I've heard people espouse the teachings of their 2nd grade pedants as if they were indisputable facts. They use these poor women like Republicans use Ayn Rand and Jesus Christ, picking out things they heard years ago to make a point that puts all arguments to rest.

For example: "When I was in 2nd grade, my teacher taught us about life cycles and global warming and cooling cycles; therefore, humans don't cause global warming/climate change."

Yes, the planet has gone through periods of climactic change and even polar change(!), but the rate at which the planet is heating  coincides with the rise of the industrial age, the population of human beings, and the decline of other species and forests.

Another example: "My 2nd grade teacher pointed at her incisors and told us that our canine teeth are for ripping and tearing flesh."

Yes, we can rip a lot with those teeth of ours, but most predators have a whole face of conical teeth, and we only have these little guys. They're mostly for defense like gorilla's teeth. A gorilla can do a lot of damage with their teeth, and so can we, but try biting into a live cow and see how far you get.

He's pretty much vegan.

Here's one I like: "My 2nd grade teacher taught us we were all unique, special, and that our opinions matter."

Yes, we're unique. But you can look around and tell we're not special, there are billions of us. And we're getting to the point where we aren't that unique. There's probably someone out there with your identical DNA, and in an infinite universe, there's definitely someone who has experienced your identical life and is reading this right now. It's a mathematical certainty. Your opinion matters on election day, and that's about it. If your opinion isn't based on fact, experience, and logic, it's invalid.

2nd-grade teachers are not the ones to blame here; they're doing the best they can. My teacher taught me that the brontosaurus was a real dinosaur, that Pluto was a real planet, and Jesus was a real guy watching my every move. She taught me Christopher Columbus was a real hero, that cow's milk was really good for me, and that my artistic talent was really a burden. She didn't know what to do with me; she probably just hoped she wouldn't screw me up too much and I'd figure it out as I got older—that I might evolve.

When you quote something from your 2nd grade teacher, you're saying "I'm tired of evolving. I stopped evolving a long time ago."

I've known people who said they hate other races because it was the way they were raised. You might as well be saying "I will neither learn new things nor grow as a human being."

I say EVOLVE! Take the time to learn about someone and end up loving them. 

And if you want to say something about your 2nd grade teacher, say "she was a nice lady who tried her best with a young mind."