Saturday, January 20, 2018

Meditation vs Napping for Wellness

Napping and Meditating are both about making time for your mental wellness. Here's how to do it.

Meditate for pees

Here's an experiment: Close your left eye for 30 seconds. Now, if you close your eyes alternately, you'll find that your left is seeing colors much more brightly than your right.

I kind of think that's what meditation's about. You ever hear people talk about meditation, and they're telling you how clearly they're able to see the world after their meditation session?

"Everything seems fresher and clearer."
"You rested your eyes in the middle of the day. Grandpa does that. The cats do that."
It's called napping.

I lived two minutes away from my last job and when the hours stretched into abusive territory, I would skate home and put my head down for 15 minutes. When I woke up, I would feel energized and ready to go back to work. Like a brand new man, I strutted back through those restaurant doors and staff members would remark on how well-rested I looked, and I would remark on how everything looked fresher and clearer.

Fact: Napping makes you sexier

I don't know if you've heard, but restaurants will take all your hours if you let them. A restaurant coworker told me he wanted his wife to take a job managing an Applebee's. I yelled at him "Do you hate your wife? You'll never see her again!"

When I couldn't nap, I'd just cower in a dark room and turn on white noise and pretend to sleep (meditate) and I achieved the same results. I didn't sneak out every day, but if I had to do it all over again, I would have found a way

A while back I saw a report about cracking skulls open to put electrodes in the brains of people suffering clinical depression. All sewn up, they'd say they saw colors more brightly and the world in a brighter light.

Just close your eyes and breathe for a little bit!

Here's what we should do as Americans since every American thinks every other American is lazy:

  • Say you're going to your car/office/house to "meditate."
  • Get dark. Put something on your face if you can't turn out the lights.
  • Set a timer on your phone. Find tons of apps for this, but your phone has a clock, right?
  • Try to nap but don't stress if you can't. Rest is rest.
  • Think about your breathing or the clouds passing through the sky.

Most people won't judge you for meditating. If they do, switch it up. Say you're going for a nap; it's pretty much the same thing. If that doesn't work, tell your coworkers you need to smoke or call your nagging wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend; tell whatever lie it takes to disappear for 15 minutes.

Using your lunch break is for suckers.

It's for your wellness!

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