Thursday, April 10, 2008
That's Your Boyfriend?
You know when you meet a charming and beautiful woman and they tell you they have a boyfriend? And if you're a man, you think, "well, she's really cool, so I'd like to try being this person's friend." Then you meet the boyfriend and you think, "wait. This is your boyfriend? You're way too pretty to be with a guy this ugly; he must be the coolest person ever, and I can't wait to know him." But then you're talking to them, or you're at a reading and the guy is heckling you and talking shit on your friends and being disrespectful to other people there, and everyone agrees, "hey Jack, your new friend is cool, and man she's beautiful, but her boyfriend! What a Douchebag!"
Something like that happened to me recently, and I wrote a post about it and I didn't publish it because I wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but days later people are telling me how much they disliked this douchebag boyfriend. I now have to write down a theory about why so many women get involved with douchebags.
In America, women are trained to look pretty to attract men but not to actually seek out and chase the men they want. They are taught that they are a highly-desired commodity and that desirable men will find them. Just go to a bar/beach/bookstore/cafe/gym and the man of your dreams will sidle up next to you and start the ball rolling.
Men, though, are trained that it is improper to aggressively chase women. American women make fun of men who hit on them or ask them out. Men are taught that women don't want to be approached at bars/gyms/bookstores/cafes/beaches. Men are taught that if they want women to be attracted to them, they need money above all else, which I think has some truth to it in the US.
So what happens is that the douchebags of the world, who have no sense of propriety or decency, approach women at said places, and women, who must think that they have pulled the best they can, merely say yes.
Nice guy goes to girl and makes clear he likes her. Woman is interested but wants to look hard-to-get or something and acts kind of interested but not too much. Nice guy gives chase. Woman parries. Nice guy asks girl out to do something. Woman says yes but reschedules or flakes. Nice guy thinks she obviously doesn't like him and that she'll call him if she does. Woman wonders why man stopped chasing her and thinks "what a jerk he stopped calling."
Douchebag approaches; woman shuns. Douchebag persists. Woman flakes or reschedules. Douchebag persists. Woman rolls eyes and disrespects douchebag. Douchebag persists. Douchebag persists.Douchebag persists.Douchebag persists. His persistence continues through three years of marriage.
There's a book out called The Game. If you haven't heard of it, you should have. It's a book teaching guys how to be douchebags. I have seen men use the techniques to a high degree of success. The book just makes me sad for people.
There's a website I think is mean and sad and funny. Hot Chicks with Douchebags.