Friday, March 5, 2010


Have you seen Universal Soldier: Regeneration?
Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme reprising their roles as zombie super-soldiers? Hell yes!

Some might think that this looks stupid. It does. I admit it. But do you remember when you were a kid and watched the first Universal Soldier movie in the theater? Do you remember when the name "Roland Emmerich" didn't turn your stomach? I do. And even though this looks unwatchable, I gave it a try for the heroes of my youth, and I wasn't let down. In fact, it was a really, surprisingly good action movie.

You have to have seen the first film to enjoy much of the tension between Dolph and Van Damme, but that's OK. You can also just enjoy the awesome action. It's made like an 80's action movie director watched The Children of Men and went back in time to blow some shit up and do some karate and some skull smashing.

If that doesn't sound awesome, how about a clone bitches? How about a clone of a zombie being brought to life to kill a ten foot eastern European terrorist? How about a zombie clone who can kind of remember his former life just long enough to try and kill some kids and get his skull blown out by a shotgun shoved down a hole a pipe made in his forehead?

Not enough? How about Van Damme killing everyone with a machine gun until he runs out of bullets and is blown up a little, then pulling out what looks like an automatic glock (you saw one for the first time in one of the Matrix movies and wet yourself at the coolness of it) and killing everyone he sees until that runs out of bullets, then pulling out a Rambo knife and killing mad fools with that until the camera is covered in blood? Did I mention all that's one shot? I didn't? well it pretty much is, and if you can't get behind that, I don't know what to tell you...
...lemme see...
How about there's another universal soldier played by a guy whose middle name is "the pit-bull"? Dude's bigger than the aforementioned terrorist, and he's got a retractable sword thing that comes out of his body armor, and he kills people you actually care about, so that makes him a bad guy. Maybe he's the main bad guy. But with Dolph running around, who cares about him?

And the whole thing starts with a crazy car chase/kidnapping. Hell yes. This is the best zombie super soldier movie ever!

I don't get why this movie was so poorly advertised. It's a shame because I think that most people I know would at least passively really enjoy it. It's not a brainy movie, but it's sufficiently scary for what it is, and it's one of the most enjoyable flicks I've seen in a while.

Check out how lame this preview is:

No comments: