Saturday, October 4, 2008

Things We COULD Have Done with $700,000,000,000.00

So the bail-out bill passed without golden parachutes and with new tax breaks for people "researching and developing" clean fuel and a greater FDIC burden and oversight that might be as thorough as it was just 8 short years ago. So the argument will now be "shoulda-woulda." Let's start it off with a "coulda" list! Here are some things we could have done with 700 billion smackers.

  1. Build enough solar panels and windmills in the desert to power the western seaboard. We could wire them to all the major cities and efficiently power the west from places where no people and very few animals live. The federal government charges the states or individuals, and in the long run makes money, dramatically shrinks our eco-footprint, and becomes the shining star of the world. Every one would want to be like us.
  2. Put every American family into a house or apartment rent-free for a year. There are a lot of houses out there owned by the very banks we're bailing out. Those banks who are having men with guns usher financially destitute families into the streets. We could have just taken the homes and given them away. It's on the Feds for a year folks! Then you have to pay fair market. Homelessness solved, and the gov makes some cash once the market bounces.
  3. Build a trans-continental high-speed rail system. People are afraid of flying these days, and trains can't be crashed into buildings. Plus, they're a lot cleaner. A mobile workforce helps the economy and is "pro-business." Trains are also easier to maintain. The traffic would reinvigorate the middle of the country. If it turns a profit, great. If not, it provides jobs and commerce across the whole nation. Choo-Choo; All aboard!
  4. Free Pizza and Beer Day for the entire planet! Everyone will love us and next time we mess up will say, "Yeah, but remember when the Americans bought us pizza and beer that one time?" It will also serve as a guilt trip token. "Please get rid of your nukes; remember that time we bought you pizza and asked nothing in return?" Vegan options and non-alcoholic beverages will be made available upon request. You also get a Hershey bar and a pack of bubblegum. Suh-WEET!
  5. Space tourism. We could build a space shuttle that actually works and also the pimpest space station imaginable. Then charge people crazy amounts to get to it. How cool would that be. Then, we could have the state lotteries offer going to space as a prize. Every month, we could fly 50 peeps to space, suckah! And we keep the lottery ticket money! Maybe then all those lottery winners will stop killing themselves in a rut of depression and achieve some kind of "perspective" having seen the planet "from a distance" like that Bette Midler song!
Seriously, though, I wish they had worked in a way to forgive student debt. If I didn't have to pay my student loans back, I could pay my rent this month and eat like a king and pay for health care. I would probably buy something expensive like a Harley Davidson or something. How's that for churning the economy? There are millions of people paying off student debt. Most of the money we owe is to the federal government, especially now that Fannie Mae is under that umbrella. Now they want more from us in the form of taxes to give to the other bastards making money off of us and to federally insure the people who have $250,000 sitting with said bastards. It's starting to seem like the financial industry and the US Gov has some kind of deal to fleece the likes of me. Hmm.

2 comments:

CLAY BANES said...

I should turn on the tab in my kitchen and beer should come out. When I flush my toilet, it fills with pretzels.

Jack Morgan said...

You got it! I would rather cover your shit with pretzels than give the evilest of our society a penny.

A lot of people are saying that's naive, but that's what they always say when anyone wants to stick to their principles. People are always calling me naive.