Saturday, February 16, 2008


I don't understand Guitar Hero. People love it. It is one of the most successful video games in the history of the world. Couples sit at home and play it together. Then they talk about it with their friends.

I wanted to write about poetry today. I wanted to tell you about the amazing new book I got. But I just got the interweb back at my house. I wanted to see what I could learn about Guitar Hero. It's everywhere. I guess people are into Rock Band, too. Vice Magazine keeps putting a stupid black bands around their covers with Rock Band written on it. I don't think it's very clever. It's a minor annoyance. It's like the ad is going too far into my personal space.

I like video games. I wish that I could play them more often. They take a lot of time, and they are more expensive than books. It takes me like fifty hours to finish a game. I don't know how long it takes me to finish a book, but not so long, methinks, and I don't think I've ever bought a book for fifty dollars that wasn't some kind of reference material. I almost never play video games nowadays. A Game Cube sits with my television, but neither of them are turned on very often.
Anyway, I don't understand the Guitar Hero thing. They have launch parties that include starlettes and heiresses strutting in designer dresses through throngs of photographers. There are blogs about it. There are fetish sites and all sorts of opinions about it, but I just cannot understand what the hell all the fuss is about. It's like the whole world is onto something I just can't figure out. I'm like a dog who moves his funny head funny when he hears a funny sound.

I wish I could hate it, but I can't think of a good reason to. I mean, it's fun. Yeah, I know it's fun. But so is masturbation, and you don't hear everyone talking about it all the time. You aren't wearing clothing that ensures that everyone knows that you are human and also enjoy that activity. That might sound extreme, but there are tons of things we can all agree are fun to do, but this is just madness. And I can't understand it.

So it frustrates me.
There are people setting up swinger parties that are based around playing Guitar Hero. They play the game and have sex with each other's wives and husbands or something. There are pornographic movies that feature the game. Tattoos all over the place of guitar hero elements. What is wrong with me? Old people and young people love it. Men and women love it. Dogs and cats love it. What the hell is wrong with me? Punks love it. Frat kids love it. Professors love it. Students love it. It's like that scene in Body Snatchers when she figures out that everyone is just slightly different from her.
It's a world-wide obsession. I can't even dismiss it as a zombie meme. I am left out in the cold like a sick little puppy.

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