Humane Turkeys

These are "Certified Humane Turkeys." There are not enough in America to feed all of the Americans who will be celebrating Thanksgiving next week. Most people will be eating force-fed animals that were raised in atrocious conditions, slaughtered in ways that would make you cringe and maybe cry, and pumped full of chemicals and antibiotics.

The word humane is an interesting one. It suggests ethical. Because the best human beings are ethical creatures, humane has come to mean the best of us. It's very strange to me that "humane killing" or "humane slaughter" are combinations that even exist. "Humane war" and "humane rape" should also be considered acceptable following this logic.

I read once that turkeys are the most environmentally friendly animals because they convert grain to meat quite well, thus being energy efficient. Energy efficiency is important since we're running out of oil and everything. But humane?!

Below is what a humane turkey looks like. It's made of soy and wheat. It tastes great. There isn't any POOP in it. Turkeys who once had heads, no matter how clean the slaughterhouse in which they met their doom, all have a little POOP in them. Happy Thanksgiving!