Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Broken Redneck Pride

In a cute town, on a cute street, is a cute tea shop with cute benches outside. My girlfriend owns it. Once a month, she thought it would be fun to have a metal-themed Monday night, "Brewtalitea." Last night was "Brewtalitea."

For some reason, the state of Virginia makes you babysit people who are drinking on patios. That duty fell on me. I went out and watched them drink. Some people talked to me, some people argued with me about California, and some people just looked at me.

Metal Monday was really fun. The bands who played were Rebirthing Candace and Iodic. They were good, and everyone was happy. There was one fat guy in an orange shirt, who seemed to be a little too into the music, but other than that, "Brewtalitea" seemed to be a success.

When the second band stopped, people started leaving, and some gathered outside to finish their beers. I went back out into the cold Autumn air of Virginia to babysit them as the drank.

The fat guy in the orange shirt, Matt, yelled a lot. Neighbors peeked out their windows. He screamed "fuck you" at them" Fat Matt had a very offensive mouth. But I'm not a bouncer, so I didn't say anything. I just waited for everyone to leave the patio.

More people left, but fat redneck Matt stayed with his big, hideous mouth. Then, for no apparent reason, he reached down, picked up one of the benches, and threw it over.

Incredulous, I approached, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Hey I don't mean no disrespect."

"You've been raising your voice, and now you're breaking things; you're disrespecting the establishment; you're disrespecting our neighbors."

One of his friends stepped close to me while White Trash Matt picked up the bench. He said,
"We don't mean no disrespect!"

I asked him not to raise his voice at me.

Fat Matt must have misheard me and turned around, yelling "You BETTER not raise your voice at me. Fuck YOU!"

Softly, I said, "You need to get out of here."

Unctuous Matt said something about respect and put his hand out to shake mine. I told him he should take his respect and his hand and please leave. Then he said if he ever saw me, he would kill me. I started laughing because I laugh when idiots say idiotic things. That freaked him the hell out. He started screaming and yelling, calling me a fagot and saying he would stick his dick in my ass.

Pungent Matt went to the parking area behind the shop. His friends stayed out front in their car. There were no more people on the patio, so I went inside. Moments later, a woman came in and said that a fat, disgusting-looking slob wearing an orange shirt was in back screaming offensive things. One minute later, one of the band members came in and said that a greasy man wearing an orange shirt broke two windows.

I felt like it was my fault. But what should I have done? I didn't curse, and I didn't raise my voice at the pathetic man. I didn't mean to break his pride, and I didn't mean to mess up his night. But you can't just come to the Darjeeling Cafe and and start breaking shit and expect me to just stand there and not say anything.

I've been feeling guilty about it, like it was my fault, but I think someone like redneck Matt would have broken something eventually anyway. People like him need to be loud and destructive in order to get noticed and feel good about themselves. I kind of feel sorry for him. Kinda. But he was bent on breaking something. If not the bench or the windows, something; if not last night, some night.

Last night was the last Metal Monday Brewtalitea at the Darjeeling Cafe. That's too bad, but necessary. It only takes one redneck to ruin a night.


Man Uh Tay said...

Welcome to the South...

Sky Jack Morgan said...

This is what I was afraid would happen in the south. It's good to experience these kinds of things, though.

Candice P. Harrington said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Curagea said...

Try South Carolina or Georgia. Now that's really "South".

On the other hand, a metal night sounds awesome.

Man Uh Tay said...

Though to be fair, the "you're a faggot, I'm going to put my dick in your ass" taunt is still popular in California

Justin Botros said...

Brewtalitea sounds like a hit. I'm sad to hear a late night lunatic ruined the fun. However, I'm glad you didn't have to further destroy his "self respect" and his fat face.

Sky Jack Morgan said...

I am sorry to see something cool end, especially like this.

He did give us some money to repair the windows. I don't know if it's enough, but it's something.

It's all just unfortunate.

Alphonse Berber Gallery said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cameron said...

you should give him Dusty's phone number, maybe they can go test drive some chevrolets for their first date.

Alphonse Berber Gallery said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandi Limited said...

please delete my comment

Mr. Horton said...


I lived almost a decade in the Deep South (Georgia, not my native land), and Fat Redneck Matt is the irritating physical manifestation of a sexist, homophobic (and possibly racist) trope.

It sounds like Matt is living up to his sterotype. I'm glad he paid the place some cash for damages. Take it for what it is, and move along.

Matt is hardly representative the entire South; although, he seems an ignorant fuck.