Saturday, August 23, 2008

Would You Have Me Ball Gag Myself?

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I will not sacrifice my integrity.
Without my integrity and honesty, I don't have much to offer.
I know some of you'd like to see me fail, and you might.
You internet haters sometimes make me feel like crap, and that's fine because it's worth it. I want it to never be a mystery to anyone how I feel about them.
If you are an artist I know, you will never wonder if I really like or dislike your stuff. You will know precisely where we both stand.

This week, I have had to dig deep. I've had to ask myself some questions I thought I knew the answers to. And it turned out I did know those answers. In fact, it was all one answer. Three Q's and one A.

Some would have me more diplomatic, more political; they want to see me succeed, and they don't want me to fail because I ended up on the wrong side of a sycophant who slimes his way into a position that might hold some power over me. But I don't play those games. The powerful often have no character, and I don't expect them to treat an artist fairly. People with power are almost always afraid of artists and try to screw them every chance they get. I've grown used to getting screwed by powerful people. I'm even used to getting screwed by weak people. The thing is, I'd rather lose for honesty over win for lying.

As for just shutting up and keeping my nose clean, I wonder where I would get that way. I think that you cannot stay silent about the things you're passionate about. Staying quiet is a compromise. It's like "looking the other way." Honesty is one of the few things that are never worth compromising. If I ruin my "career" by being honest, it won't because I'm in the wrong profession, it'll be because I am on the wrong planet. And that's just not worth worrying about anymore.