Sunday, January 20, 2008

Death Camp for supe heroes.

Hi, I'm Jack Morgan.
Hi, I am Meredith.
,,,
I am dedicating my life to the study of poetry and Shakespeare in particular.
People read poetry? Shakespeare is, like, soooooo boring.

I've lived as an artist for thirteen years now.
So, you won't ever make any money?
It's feast or famine, really.
Soooo lame.

This is how I imagine picking up a girl at a bar must be like.
I have never picked up a girl at a bar.

At the pub I go to, tonight there was a girl who couldn't stop looking at me, and I couldn't stop looking at her. But, I don't hit on women. I have never hit on a woman. Things happen naturally, and I've never had to meet a stranger, really. Not really.

I guess I should have. While I was thinking of a way to talk to her, another lovely lady bought me a drink, and I ended up spending a lot of time getting to know her. She kind of asked me to go home with her.

I have never bought a girl I don't know a drink at a bar. Girls buy me drinks a lot. And girls are always trying to get me to buy them or their friends drinks. I never comply. I always feel like someone is working an angle on me, playing me. I always feel like a woman is making a fool of me. They make TV shows about how stupid women find men. The only thing women seem to talk about is how stupid men are. My biggest fear is being stupid. I never want to feel stupid, and I always feel stupid. I am a very stupid person

I am saying this only to illustrate my theory that things have come full circle on women. You like to make fun of men and how stupid they are. . . you make fun of their lines and their tactics, so now, you have to buy te drinks, you have to make the first move.

Unfortunately, America being the land of rules, there are rules that fuck everyone up. The small town courtship rituals of the United States has driven m to the breaking point. How am I supposed to meet new people while not being a sleaze ball who hits on women at bars and gyms, another place at which I've never talked to woman I don't know.

A friend of mine said I should have bought Meredith a drink. He said that losers end up alone because they never bought a woman a drink because they were afraid. I think that the forty-year-old silicon valley worker he was talking about is afraid of something a little different than I am, but his example works. Truth is, isn't a drink or a million drinks, isn't being played a million times by a million evil conniving women worth finding the one? My friend says take a chance and find the love of your life. I think he might be right.

But what if I think they're great, and they end up not knowing who (insert incredibly important painter/poet/politician/musician) is?

You're only out five dollars. You might feel like a chump tonight, but you're the one who thinks that the status quo of men is feeling like a chump.

My friend is right.

2 comments:

Jason said...

You just have to develop a fine tuned instinct for the women that are just playing you to get drinks and the ones who are actually interested. After a while you start to develop a sixth sense for the ones that just want you to buy them a drink.

Jack Morgan said...

I am too trusting. I am easily used and betrayed. Most people can't help but take advantage of a chump like me.