Sushi Night

Today was the first sushi night at the darjeeling cafe. Many vegan
delights on this trial run. Everything was marvelous. We even had plum
wine and Sapporo. It all made me think of my time in Japan. I miss
Japan sometimes.

Zombie Nombie

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to have a zombie's head in a jar, you can get the iPhone application that simulates such an incredible thing for super cheap. Actually, Zombie Nombie is even better than a zombie head in a jar. You can play with him, dress him up, and tease and torture him.
Never before has anyone been able to get so close to a zombie head without becoming infected. You can even attach a timer to his forehead so as not to burn your noodles. It's the greatest kitchen timer ever.
The more you play with Zombie Nombie, the more crap you can stick on him. Hipster glasses, eye patches, mustaches, false noses, flowers, an assortment of hats, and other accessories are available. One of the hats says "I heart Brains" and one of the mustaches makes Zombie Nombie look strikingly like John Waters.
50's-style horror music plays in the background, and if you shake your iPhone, the background image changes. The only thing he says is "BRAINS" in ways that range from expectant to angry. He kind of groans too. And sometimes he snarls before he forgets why he's mad.
It's embarrassing how much I like to play spin the zombie. I wonder if Bruce Campbell has the high score.

Days of Darkness

You know what happens to those huge structures on tops of mountains that have big microwave receivers on them and tons of antennae? They become the settings of zombie movies, of course.

While camping, this one dude tries to get into his virginal GF's panties, but no dice--she wants to wait. She won't even drink a little champagne! A comet burns up in the Earth's atmosphere and rudely leaves its dust everywhere. Then zombies come out of nowhere and start biting chumps.

The opening zombie scene is brutal and exciting and makes you think, "hold the phone; is this going to be incredible?" But it gets pretty heavy-handed and lame. If it weren't for the excruciating gore, it would be crap.

See, people are zombies because they have aliens living in their sexual organs that are growing fast! You won't find out why many of them are zombie/alien free until the very end, when some seriously sick shit starts going down.
The reluctant abstaining-from-sex hero has to cut open testicles with a pocket knife to investigate and finds homunculus-looking creatures that get bigger and attack. It's all quite gruesome, but the finale is even more so.

The story attempts to do some choir-preaching with a gay tough-guy, a porn actress mother, a Christian zealot hypocrite, pregnant virgins, a strong leading woman, and a big fat republican guy with a gun. It's all a little too obvious for the movie it started out being.

As far as zombie movies go, this is a really good one to laugh and squirm with, but the opening close call with the zombies sets standards high. So, it kind of nukes the fridge a little early.

Messiah of Evil

The difference between "Messiah of Evil" a.k.a. "Dead People" and other lowish budget horror movies from the 70's is that "Messiah of Evil" will scare the hell out of you.

This artistic film reminded me of very recent Goddard flicks, and it was utterly surprising how intense this zombie movie really is.

If you think that Danny Boyle invented quick zombies, forget that. These zombies run and sneak and are quite clever. When they're out of meat, they go to the super market. When there's no one in town to eat, they wait for tourists in movie theaters. If they run out of bodies, they go to the next town, slit people's throats and bring them home for their friends to eat.
Missing is a clumsy attempt to explain the zombie outbreak. There's a legend and a dark messenger that has something to do with the Donner party, but there's nothing foolishly scientific that wastes the audience's time or insults their intelligence. In fact, part of what's awesome about "Messiah of Evil" is that so little is explained. The film leaves many dots unconnected and doesn't bother asking you to connect them but expects you, rather, to just accept that some things won't make sense. . . like being frightened by a zombie movie.


Some websites call this a vampire movie, even though there is no mention of vamps and no long teeth or bats. The zombies are pretty quiet (occasionally they howl off camera), and their eyes bleed. The filmmakers also made "Howard the Duck," a slightly different type of movie.

Anyway, as far as zombie movies go, "Messiah of Evil" is a winner. Plus, it's in public domain, so you can find it for free or on the cheap very easily.

I think it might be the scariest zombie movie I've seen so far.

KING OF THE ZOMBIES

Imagine a world where a Nazi was luring American admirals to a little island where he would use transmogrification, zombification, and plain old Nazi nastiness to learn American super secrets during the big one.

Of course, he also has a hot niece and a hot wife.

And there's also plenty of Irish and black racist jokes to go around.

You would be watching KING OF THE ZOMBIES.
Somehow the naivete of the movie made the racism in the thing a bit eye-rolling "they didn't know any better back then." Of course, they knew better, but KING OF THE ZOMBIE is certainly a product of its times. At times it's hokey, and at others it's as spooky as Skooby-Doo.

Jack Morgan Turns 30

I turned 30 on March 6. I feel like I am the age that I have always wanted to be.
My inbox filled with Facebook Wall updates saying happy birthday. I didn't realize that I had so many friends. It was nice to see that I did. Thank you to everyone that said happy birthday to me.

On March 7, I was treated to my first surprise party. It was rather touching to see that I had made so many friends in such a short time in Virginia. Thank you to everyone in Virginia who came to my surprise birthday party. I wish I had drunk less the night before.

Someone was taking pictures, but I don't know where they are. They aren't on my camera.

Bikini Samurai Zombie-Slaying Cowgirl

This is the trailer for "Onechanbara" the movie.
I found a bit torrent for it and watched it a while ago, and is it is as good as it looks? Do Japanese bikini cowgirls killing zombies make for a good movie? Well, yes.


This film mixes Japanese monster movie camp, samurai movie fantasy, and sexploitation flick lustiness quite well. You have to keep a verry open mind when it comes to zombie movies, but I don't want to tell you how to watch them. If you don't know, you might never.


If you think that the idea of a bikini clad samurai cowgirl hunting zombies with a schoolgirl sister and another woman who has a shotgun with unlimited rounds and supernatural aim, then watch as they work their way to the top of the foodchain to take out the mad scientist who made this mess. Then gape at the irony of the realization that they were greater enemies to each other than a world full of zombies ever could be.

Been playing much guitar lately